After posting the video on Facebook, I received the following feedback from Siobhan:
Very good so far. For the camera - it would be nice to see their expressions especially just before the 'How's that again' You could, for example, have the camera move with the characters [just as you have now although the camera could be a little closer] then hold the camera and have them walk closer to the camera [for a mid shot] so that we can see your right hand characters expression when he says 'Hows that again' and the other guy walks out of shot.
Your character on the left appears to be VERY keen to get the character on the rights attention, his eyes are focused on him whereas the guy on the right looks fed up. But then the guy on the left walks off. Think about status relationships because if the guy on the left has the higher status and is in charge [which is what is suggested at the end when he walks off] THEN perhaps the guy on the left would look for a reaction but not be so eager to please, ie he would have a high power centre and down at the other guy - just now the status is unclear in parts. If he is going to walk off, he needs to have a more full of himself posture - hope that makes sense.
Some really good pointers here that I will definitely take care of. The camera I haven't set completely either and I do agree that I wanted a closer picture of the second character but at the same time I want the framing to show him left off alone as the other character walks off.
I will tweak around with the camera to make it work more in the way as Siobhan has suggested.
Also I will make the main character look more behind him as he walks off to look for a reaction in the second character.
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